Elvira: Mistress of the Dark

Starring: Elvira, W. Morgan Sheppard and Daniel Grenne
Anchor Bay
RRP: 12.99
Certificate: 15
Available 27 February 2006

Elvira is a horror show TV presenter. The hostess with the mostess, you might say. That is until she quits to do a show in Las Vegas. Unfortunately, she is expected to put the money up front, and money isn't the thing she possesses up front. When a previously unknown great aunt ("I didn't even know I had a good aunt!") dies she is invited to a reading of the will. Expecting a huge windfall, she is left with a run-down old house, a dog and a recipe book. Another relative emerges desperate to lay his hands on the book; but the dog is a familiar and protects it. This is Elvira's legacy, containing the power which will make her Mistress of the Dark...

Oh, dear. What do you mean, you want more? Okay. This film only makes two points and those are the ones on Elvira's chest. The entire film hinges on her so-called sexuality. Come on, lots of women have large cup sizes but they don't go round parading them on 1.78:1 widescreen. I suppose to a certain extent the innuendoes are necessary, because without them the plot is simply a Disney film for children, with less suspense than Escape to Witch Mountain.

There are a few lines in this area which are genuinely humorous. For example: "You don't fit in this town. Hell, you don't even fit in that dress!" and "You know what your problem is? Chastity Pariah." "I thought that had all cleared up!" Also, when Elvira is about to be burned as a witch, there are kids toasting marshmallows over the fire, and the crowd chant, "2, 4, 6, 8, who do we incinerate, Elvira!" By far the best scene is when Elvira tries to make dinner for the cinema owner using the recipe book, which is actually a book of magic arts. A monster emerges from the pot, and they attempt to force it back inside, finally destroying it down the waste disposal. However, many of the double entendres are along the same lines and they very quickly begin to wear thin.

Ty Power

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