Boner of contention
(18/03/03)

Dear Johnny Fanboy,

It is well known in folklore that vampires don't have heartbeats, and the same is true in the TV shows Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel. How, then, do Angel and Spike manage to have sex with women? If their blood does not move around their circulatory systems, how do they become sexually aroused?

Regards,

Terry Kirkham

Johnny Fanboy replies:

Are you a medical student by any chance, Terry?

Maybe vampires have developed ways to control certain bodily functions for purely social or recreational purposes, functions which ordinary humans have no voluntary control over. For example, I dare say that vampires don't need to breathe, yet they manage to inhale air for the purposes of speaking or, in the case of Spike, smoking. By the same principle, other processes, such as - ahem - engorging a certain part of the anatomy with blood, might also be controlled at will.

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